An Indian named Chief Bowels lived in a teepee on the reservation. One day he received a letter from the state division of highways that said that they were going to build a freeway and it would go right through where his teepee was located and he would have to move.

He was very upset about this because his ancestors had lived in that exact place for many generations.

He decided to go into town to talk to someone and get them to change the route of the freeway.

He arrived in town but didn't know where to go so he asked someone for directions to the local office of the highway department. He was told to go three blocks straight ahead then turn left for two blocks and it would be on the right.

He went three blocks straight ahead then turned right and went into the building on the left. It was a drugstore.

The druggist asked him if he could help him and the Indian replied. "Bowels no move!"

"Oh," said the druggist. That's no problem. Take this twice a day for a week." he said, as he gave the Indian a bottle of medicine.

The Indian left and one week later the he returned. "Hello," said the druggist. "Did that medicine work?"

"Bowels still no move!" said the Indian.

"Well, well," said the druggist. "It appears that we will have to use something a little stronger. Take this four times a day for a week."

The Indian left and one week later he returned. "Hello again," said the druggist. "How are you doing?"

"Bowels still no move!" said the Indian.

"Oh my goodness!" said the druggist. "This really calls for something drastic. This is the most powerful treatment in existance. Take it eight times a day for a week."

The Indian left and one week later he returned. When the druggist saw him he asked, "bowels move?"

"Bowels have to move" said the Indian. "Teepee full of shit."

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There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out towards the fence.

Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you." He knew what it was. "Oh, my goodness!" he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery!"

He cycled down the road and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come quick!" he said, "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls." The old man said, "Shoo, you brat! Can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is!"

After several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery and heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth! Let's see if we can see the Devil himself." Shivering with fear, they edged toward the fence, still unable to see anything, but they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done."

They say the old guy made it to town 10 minutes before the boy!

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A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in the class the first half ot the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest. Hers are the children's responses.

Better to be safe than................punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the......................bug is close.
It is always darkest before...........daylight savings time.
Never underestimate the power of......termites.
You can lead a horse to water but.....how?
Don't bite the hand that..............looks dirty.
No news is............................impossible.
A miss is as good as a................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog............math.
If you lie down with dogs, you........will stink in the morning.
Love all, trust.......................me.
The pen is mighter than...............the pigs.
An idle mind is.......................the best way to relax.
Where there is smoke, there's.........pollution.
Happy is the bride who................gets all the presents.
A penny saved is......................not much.
Two is company, three's...............The musketeers.
None are so blind as..................Helen Keller.
Children should be seen not...........spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed.........get new batteries.
When the blind lead the blind.........get out of the way.
There is no fool like.................Aunt Edie.
Laugh, and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.............................you have to blow your nose.
Get out of something what you.........see pictured in the box.

the first two were great, and i havent laughed that hard in a while... and i laugh pretty damn hard a lot... the third one had its moments.

The first one is great.

Yup - works for me!

They're all good. Thanks, TMFT!

Sorry for being slow with the updates.

...I'm kinda grounded. Have to sneak these onto the forum.

No probs TMFT - don't get into difficulties over us - but thanks for doing it!