Answers to 5 of the toughest questions women ask



The five questions are:

1 - "What are you thinking?"
2 - "Do you love me?"
3 - "Do I look fat?"
4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5 - "What would you do if I died?"

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answered properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:

1 - "What are you thinking?"
The proper answer to this question, of course is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:

a - Football
b - Baseball
c - How fat you are.
d - How much prettier she is than you.
e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died.

The best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of thinking."
The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:

2 - "Do you love me?"
The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear." Wrong answers include:

a - I suppose so.
b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
c - That depends on what you mean by "love".
d - Does it matter?
e - Who, me?

3 - "Do I look fat?"
The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include:

a - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
b - Compared to what?
c - A little extra weight looks good on you.
d - I've seen fatter.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

4 - "Do you think she's prettier than me?"
The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include:

a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.



5 - "What would you do if I died?"
Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way."

... it's sad because it's true. I try not to think along those lines, though... but once in a while, still...

You poor guys.

at some point we've had it drilled into us so many times that a perfectly strange girl could come up to us, ask these questions, and get the correct answers... anything else said is pretty much suicide.

That's odd... I could have sworn there was no correct answer for question number three. It was my impression that question is a death sentence no matter what you say or how fast you leave after saying something complimentary.

Some would say a good answer to #3 would be "Here honey, have some chocolate". But I don't know about that.... I mean, girls would probably freak out, and be like "What? You want me to get fat? You're going to leave me, aren't you, and you're just looking for an excuse! I can't believe you!" and run off crying.

I think, as a guy, you're fucked no matter what.
The best answer would be a sarcastic "Yeah, you're soooo fat. Jeeze, go throw up."
Make sure the sarcasm is virtually dripping, so that not even she can miss it. It doesn't matter if she is fat or not. If she thinks you're sarcastic with that comment, you might get off the hook.

Maybe.

I'm with Lune. I've never been able to figure out a "right" answer to number three. The best 'answer' i've ever heard or tried is to simply kiss her, smile, and run for the hills. The goal isn't to hold your ground in the face of a thermonuclear blast, only to delay the fuse long enough to evacuate your ass(ets).

My answer to question 3 happened by accident when my girlfriend asked me i was at the top of the stairs trying to get my boots on for work, when she asked i turned to look at her fell of balance and went crashing down the staris breaking my arm in 3 places....probably saving my life.

sounds like you got off lucky. and actually, i agree with the heavy sarcasm approach. mostly cuz i know i can pull it off. thanks Jaeda. - Bunny

I've found running off in a random direction as fast as you possibly can, and coming back with a flower or something equally as soppy a couple minutes after illicits a grateful, if not somewhat amazed thankyou hug.

Your theories intrigue me, Shifty. I wish to subscribe to your newsletter

Whatever happens, boys, don't try to be funny. It might seem like a good idea, but it's not.

After all, if you answer Question 5 with something like: "Well for a start I'd try to catch you, so you didn't get your pants dirty - I wouldn't get a decent price for them if you did that!", then you are very likely to arouse suspicion unto the fact that you HAVE been contemplating your partner's death.

Which bring up all sorts of complications, wouldn't y'know?

The variation on number three I have heard before is
"Does this make my but look big (while shes trying on clothes of any kind)"
again there is no correct response without serious pain involved to the male.
or the sarcastic reply "No its you fat ass that make your but look big" followed by pain and hosplitization if not done correctly !!
So always be careful with these and other questions like them unless you really like the pain!!!

oops posted twice

Okay, first of all, there is a right answer to three: no. It won't get you killed. I don't know why the question is so imfamous.

However, if a woman actually took you shopping and asked your opinion in the dressing room, you need to consider a few things.
1) She can shop by herself and can get opinions from her girl buddies. She took you because she wants YOU to like how she looks in it, not what Latisha thinks.
2) If she asks something specific like "does this make my butt look big," she has already noticed that the cut of the outfit may not be right for her. She wouldn't ask this unless she actually NEEDS a second opinion. Women do not emerge from the dressing room unless they are unsure what to think. If her butt does look big in it, don't say "yes." Phrase it so that it is the designer's/stores/God's fault. For example: "Actually, I really don't like the cut on that one. It just doesn't seem to work as a shirt/dress/pair of pants."
3) If you say she looks good in something that she doesn't look good in, you're WASTING MONEY. She's going to buy it, then two days from now take it out of her closet, realize how bad it looks, then hide it back in the depths of the forest of clothes."

Learn from the mistakes of others.

I swear to god that was funny in its own special way