Oil Change Instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since last
oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee or read through magazine.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00.


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Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter,
kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full so instead of taking it
back to auto store to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. Jack car up.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Cool Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: Gets hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Have a Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Cool Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of
oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back
yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Cool Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on
frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss
December(1992) in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop
blood flow.
38) Cool Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
during step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Cool Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts $50.00

Beer $25.00

DUI $2500.00

Impound fee $75.00

Bail $1500.00

Total $4150.00

But, BY GOD, you know the job was done right.

Shit, she lives next door to me.

*looks over at dad, chuckles* accurate shit... luckily i don't take after my father.

forgot these lines:

4)go home, realize the idiot at jiffylube stripped the bolt to the oil pan which is now leaking oil all over driveway
5)yell at husband to go buy kitty litter to clean up mess
6)yell at husband to contact mechanic to replace oil pan
7)mechanics schedule is busy, car is screwed for one week.
8)yell at husband because its all his fault somehow.

LOL

Yeah, Fuego... That's why I do it myself... Last time I had someone else do it... *shiver*

It's a funny one, though. I've known people like that.