Johnny loved his new trainset. His mother could leave him for hours at a time while she did things around the house without him to bother her.

One day, while she was cooking dinner, she over heard Johnny. Everytime the train would pass the station, she would hear him say "All those that want to get off, get the fuck off, All of you that want to get on, get the fuck on."

Highly disturbed by this, she raced into the room where Johnny was playing. "Young man", she said "march up to your room and think about what I've told you about that kind of language."

So up to his room he goes.

Two hours later, he comes back down and sits down by his trainset. The train goes around a couple of times and he proceedes to say "All those who want to get off, get the fuck off, all those who want to get on, get the fuck on, all those who are pissed off about the two hour delay, talk to the bitch in the kitchen."

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A guy is driving along the freeway in Los Angeles, and as he reaches downtown, he finds himself in the middle of a massive traffic jam that is blocking up five different freeways and sending lines of cars back for miles in all directions.

After a while, he notices a guy walking from car to car down the freeway, stopping and talking to people through their car windows.

When the guy reaches him he rolls down his window and says, "Hey! What's causing all this delay?"

The guy on the freeways says, "Well, you're not going to believe this, but OJ Simpson has sat down in the middle of the freeway intersection up there, and he's totally distraught, and he says there's no way he can ever pay the $35 million he owes the Goldmans and the Browns, and so he's threatened to douse himself in gasoline and light himself on fire if people don't give enough money sufficient to cover the cost of the judgment. So I've taken up a collection to try to end the traffic jam."

"How much have you gotten so far."

"About ten gallons."

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A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, a blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

I liked the last one, pretty good.

ha, the 1st one reminds me of how i feel when my mom yells at me for cursing, even though i'm 19 fuckin years old

heard the first one, loved the last two... last one was priceless.

Never heard the 2nd one before. The other's are good, and I like the new one too.

A guy walks into the psychiatrist's office completely naked, wrapped from the neck down in saran wrap.

The doctor pauses, looks him up and down while shaking his head, then says, "I can clearly see you're nuts."



What's better than roses on your piano? -- Tulips on your organ.



A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging off his manhood. The bartender looks over and says, "Hey buddy, did you know you've got a steering wheel on your johnson?"

The pirate replies, "Aaargh, it's drivin me nuts!"



What's the difference between a dead possum on the side of the road and a dead lawyer on the side of the road?

Skid marks in front of the possum.


That's all I got for now. Maybe I'll remember some more later.

all nice papa, especially the first one.